Change

I am ready for it. More than anything, I need a change in jobs/careers. I have been in the same job for the past five years and need a new challenge. Before this summer when the shiznit hit the fan at work I was casually looking but wasn't going to jump at just anything. Day by day, I think Wal-Mart door greeter or fry guy at McDonald's is sounding better and better. It is truly a drag coming in. It's not that working conditions are horrible by any stretch of the imagination-well listening to 5-8 middle age women bicker and gossip is my personal definition of hell. It's just that over the past few months I have been forced into a position I have never wanted. The portions of my job that I did enjoy, previously, are also slowly being taken away too. I feel like I am slowly being forced out aka politely being asked to leave without actually saying it.

If the economy wasn't shitsville this would not be such a huge issue, but jobs are so hard to come by. I do have multiple choices in the field I work in but every job posting has a flood of applicants. I have my fingers crossed about one opportunity but definitely not holding my breath either.

While job change is one thing I am looking forward to, geographical change is something else I am pondering more and more. I have basically lived in the St. Louis region my entire life. While it is a decent place overall to live, I need some new scenery. I kick around the idea from time to time of just selling everything and moving to New York City. Being the cautious one, I of course would have a job lined up. I am not sure why that city has been calling my name, as I have only visited it for one day when I was a teenager. I think it is a matter of proving myself. As Frank Sinatra said if you can make it there you can make it anywhere-god now I sound like a massive cheeseball. I think I could to.  I can navigate myself around large foreign cities that I don't speak the language of, so NYC has to be a bit easier.  I also love large cities too and the sense of everything being at your fingertips.

Moving of course probably won't occur until at the earliest mid-2011. My goal is to finish coursework at the end of next year. In the Spring of 2011, I want to finish my oral and written comps. If that goes according to plan, it will be much easier to make a move just about anywhere. Lets hope by then, the job market will turn around and I won't be such a neurotic mess.

Halloween update

So last night a classmate and I were walking back to our cars' discussing Halloween. I told her I went as Kate Gosselin. Her response was "but you don't have blond hair."

Yes there was a wig involved
Yes I had 8 baby dolls zip tied to a rope hanging from around my neck like an over-sized necklace
Yes it was disturbing
Yes there are pictures of me on Facebook in said costume.

Check it out fools

Cars

GuyFromChicago got me thinking about cars again. In junior high and high school I was a total car nerd and read up on Car & Driver, Motor Trend, and The Robb Report. That being said I have hardly had a car that would fit the mold of a fine performance machine.

My first car I have had the longest. My parents helped me out with insurance and the down payment, but they also wanted to teach me some financial responsibility. So a few months after my 16th birthday, I became the proud owner of a Ford Escort LX 2 door in some weird maroon, fuchsia, dark red combination of a color you see here. The picture to the side was not mine but the same color and body style. I had a lot of good memories in it. For one, I learned the governor kicked in at about 97 1/2 miles per hour on my way to Florida, but you could do 100 downhill. I also learned you could stuff 6 others plus myself in it (1 in the drivers seat, 2 in the passenger, 3 in the back seat, and 1 in the hatchback). I had the car from August 1995 to December 2002. When I traded it in, it had about 77,000 mostly hassle free miles.

While the 'Scort was still running well, I really wanted something different as the paint color on the bumpers was fading fast. Also, you don't want to be the guy a few years out of college driving the same car you had in high school. My next purchase was a perfectly decent 2001 Mazda 626. It is the only used car I have bought. I bought it in December 2002 with about 28,000 miles on it.

This car got some wear and tear, too, unfortunately. In March 2005, I had it parked in downtown St. Louis at night and came back to find it vandalized but not broken into. Three days after I got it out of the shop, a high school girl rear ended my bumper that had just been repaired.  After less than 4 years it quickly had racked up the miles and I traded it in, in 2006 with 96,000 miles on the odometer.

So I decided to go car shopping in July 2006 one night. That night I test drove a Mazda 6, a VW Jetta (hated the super firm breaks), and a Nissan Altima (would've have been my fist pick but was a bit out of my price range). During the test drive of the VW, I drove through one of the worst storms in St. Louis. It was practically a tornado and I even drove over downed power lines (WHOOPS). That weekend, I ended up going back and getting the Mazda 6. It's been a good car so far and I have about 42,000 miles on it. I would like to keep it ten years (another 7 to go) since I will soon be paying on student loans which will be more than double what I am paying on my car loan right now.

But if I could go shopping right now and find a reasonable dream car (around 40k), the former car nut in me would love test drive a Infiniti G37x, VW CC (although I can't justify paying 40k for a fully loaded VW), an Acura TL (the new body style is slowly growing on me), Nissan Maxima, a Honda Accord Coupe, BWM 3 series coupe, an Audi A5, or a Mercedes-Benz C class. It's a bit sad that there are no American cars that remotely interest me these days.

Momentum

I feel like I am losing that this semester. Come January, I will have been enrolled in school part-time for four years (with a 5 month break between my MBA and PhD studies). I need to keep on trucking though. I have four classes left, hopefully. My advisor also approved my dissertation topic so that is all good. I think I can see the end in sight, but man it's not going to be easy. Once I finish classes I still have to successfully complete my written and oral comprhensive exams. Once that is finished, I can start working on that little paper aka my dissertation. Fun Stuff!

In other news....I love my new cellphone. I am dressing up for Halloween for the first time in a long time and it will be a HOT TRANNY MESS-no joke. I am tired of this weather; it has been a nightmare for my sinueses and allergies. I get paid tomorrow. I want/need a vacation. I am ready for the semester to be over. The month long break will be nice.  

awkward reunions part II

So this morning I am at a work related function and I hear my name called. I had to do a double take because this person looked somewhat disheveled. After realizing who it was I exchanged pleasantries and realized nothing had changed in this persons life in the past 4 years since we had spoken last. For me a lot had changed and mostly for the better.

He was one of the few people I still spoke with from high school. Our friendship was on again and off again throughout high school but throughout college we kept in touch. In fact I visited him numerous times 5 hours away in Mississippi even though he never returned the favor to me-warning sign #5,965. In college I may have even been a bit envious of him. He had everything handed to him: nice SUV, clothes, spending money, etc. This is not to say I didn't have an education provided for me. It's just that I drove a Ford Escort (STYLING), worked part-time, and didn't have everything he did.


Our friendship continued after college as well as we both ended up back in St. Louis and I had not established many new friendships upon my return. But around the time I was 26 I was at a turning point in my life. I had finally established a career, bought a house, was ready to start grad school part-time, and was also thinking about something else (we all know what that is :). He, on the other hand, seemed stuck in a rut and quite lost. I am not a spirtual person but this was one lost soul trying to find something out of life. His friends and I even had a quasi-intervention one night at a bar in terms of his life. Basically we all said just do something, get a job, don't be afraid to fail, etc. I think he always had dreams of walking into a perfect job right outside of college and have the spoils that his parents afforded him. For most of us this is not true in life.

But the pivotal point in us not seeing each other for four years now occured probably close to four years to today's date. After working on my house non-stop since August (2005 mind you), I finally had the place looking decent and ready to show it off to friends and family. So one Saturday evening I invited him to come over and I think even mentioned going to a movie, etc after the quick house tour. Well he probably came over about 7pm that fine Saturday evening and showed him the place and we talked about life and general things. After about a half an hour I suggested seeing a movie or going somewhere to grab a drink. His response was "no I have to go home to feed the cats." Mind you it takes him approximately thirty minutes each way to get to my house. Mind you I blocked out a Saturday evening to hang out with this person. Mind you, wouldn't you feed the f'ing cats before you left. Oy Vey I still remember how aggravated I  felt and was like WTF.

So I had a little conversation that night with myself because after all somebody had to go home and feed his god damn cats. I said to myself (and I feel like Stewart Smalley talking into mirror as I type this) if he calls you and wants to hang out that's great but don't waste your time on this guy. Well days, months, and years transpired without a single call. It was truly a one-sided friendship with me putting for the effort to make plans. Having that Stewart Smalley moment, though, was one of the best things I could have done though. I slowly started to establish friendships and had a much happier social life to boot.

Seeing him today, I still see the lost soul. He has worked part-time but still hasn't accomplished much. While a great career is not the key to hapiness, it at least can give you motivation and drive to get up every morning. I wonder if he will ever "find" himself. Lets hope so and lets hope he moves out of his house.

New Phone

Cockbag is about to replace his p.o.s phone after two years. I have been eying the LG Lotus for quite some time and when I saw I could get it for free I had to order it. I will be a complete texting fool now! Full keyboard action-GIDDY UP!

little things I miss

I miss waking up next to someone on Sunday morning. The conversations about nothing or something. I miss making a big breakfast for someone after our long talks. To clarify I don't miss a particular someone, it's a relationship in general that brings about lazy Sunday mornings in bed and me cooking up a big breakfast. It has been exactly 17 months though today since I have been single. I shouldn't keep that date in my head but I do. I tend to remember useless information like that. The date also happened to be the exact same day of the start of a relationship for a friend of mine.

I am rambling I know.